hardest blog to write

I've been avoiding adding to this blog here because of recent events. As everyone reading this is probably aware of by now, my father passed away on May 19, 2005. I can honestly say that day is the worst day of my entire life. I miss my dad so much that no words seem sufficient enough, so I'm not going to try. Thank you to everyone who has been so supportive of my family and me. We so appreciate it. I have felt so loved in the past couple of weeks. People at work, friends, and extended family have been absolutely amazing. Everyday is a struggle. My stomach and mind have not felt the same since this all has happened. It feels surreal and dream-like. Death is so final and comes without warning. I think the hardest thing is realizing that I will never get the pleasure of my dad's company again. I miss his presence, his voice, and his hugs. My mom and dad had 34 wonderful years together, but as my mom said, "it's never long enough." I agree. At least I got my dad for 31 years; some people don't have that.

I have to admit I'm struggling with some spiritual angst right now. I just want a sign that my dad is an eternal being now and will be there waiting for me when it is my turn.

I hate the pain and the sadness. It never truly goes away and from people that I have spoken with that have lost their parent or parents, it never will.

I'm trying to get on track. I'm teaching summer school for six weeks. It begins Monday. I'm in a science lab. Tim wanted to know if I had a gas valve available when I talked to him on the phone earlier. Yes, and an emergency shower, should any student or me should need one. How ideal. I'm teaching 11th grade - American Lit. I think I am going to teach this subject for as long as I live - it always gets assigned to me. Had to do some curriculum planning for summer school with a very annoying, cranky lady that I taught night school with a couple of years ago. Teachers can be the worst students. So damn stubborn. Remind me to quit when I get carmugenly like that. Yikes.

A lot of changes at school. A few people got let go. I've never been at a school where the principal lets so many people go. He got rid of a lot of half-time retired teachers in the drop program. We hired about 4-5 new teachers. Most are doing double-duty as coaches. Great. We have one that was a Seattle Sonic's dancer. I heard she has big boobs. The male students will love that. Apparently, we also hired a 21 yr. old know-it-all with a master's degree. Know-it-alls don't fit in too well with my dept. Thank god. You had to be an egotist to fit in with my last dept. I hate that.

Okay, that's all for now. Leave a girl some comments, ya hear?
:)Jen